Claire

So today I'm a little bit homesick and when I get homesick it's usually my niece Claire that I miss the most. I feel bad that it's not my other niece and my nephews or my parents/sisters that I miss the most, there's just something about Claire, and if you knew her you'd know what I'm talking about. I was sitting here thinking about the fun stuff that she's said and hoping that I don't ever forget it and realized if I "write" it somewhere I can always go back and read it!! So here's funny stuff Claire said...

"Whenwin...whenwin booty"
She was holding a small stuffed penguin and learning about different parts of the body when she flipped it upside down and completed the sentence.

"Is there Chalklet in they-re?"
While making brownies with my sister she began speaking with what can only be described as a dramatic New Jersey accent.

"Happy Fourth of Ju-lau-ee!!"
I just love the way she she decided July should sound.

Claire to Chani while getting in the car: Are you going to take me to see Prince Charming??
Chani: Depends, who's Prince Charming?
Claire: Papa!!!

"Check the volume, Papa!!"
When my dad was sneezing in the car, she doesn't care for loud noises unless she's making them.

"That's my Dude!!!"
About a boy from her school that she liked to walk into class with.

"Why do I need to shower??....Oh, cause that was gross huh?"
After being sick in the pool all over herself.

"Happy Cake"
She said this when she was about 2 and saw that were about to serve birthday cake for her and my dad. We could barely restrain her, she was so excited to have happy cake!!

"Last morning/day" and "Last morning/day long time ago"
Her way of saying yesterday or some other time in the past.

Chani: Who do you want to marry?
Claire: Your dad.
Chani: My dad? What about your dad?
Claire: It's the same.

"It's an incredible!"
While looking at a convertible car.

These are just a few of the cute things she's said and I LOVE them. I cherish these memories and hope that someday she'll look back and realize what a special child she's been.

Time of year

So today I went to a big box store to pick up my perscription and some cards to send out to the girls in the ward for their birthdays (I'm trying to act like I know what I'm doing) and I noticed it's SCHOOL SUPPLY TIME!!!

I love, Love, LOVE school supplies! I'm not entirely sure why either. I had pleanty of school supplies growing up, it's not like I'm trying to compensate for a lack there of. Maybe it's compensation for something else...hummm....

Anyway there I was in the special area with rows and rows of big bins filled with pens of all sorts of colored ink, pencils both mechanical and traditional, glue both stick and old fashioned white, rulers, compasses, highlighters, markers of various widths, crayons the good ones and the cheap ones, folders of every color and with almost any cartoon character/fuzzy animal, notebooks (and I mean the actual book with pages in it not a laptop), binders, backpacks, pencil cases, rubber grippy things, scissors oh the list goes on!!

I have pleanty of most of the things I need for school. I'm a little bit infatuated with pens and have been for years (I wonder if there's a pens ananonamys I could attend) and today I have to admit, I couldn't resist. I found the new Sharpie pens on sale for $2.50 for 2!! And standard sharpies 8 packs were on sale for $4!! I got nine stick pens for a buck! The biggest thing there was there were 3, count them, 3 purple ink pens!!

I think I buy these things hopping that if I just have the right pens then I'll be able to do better. I'll be more creative. I'll figure out a better way to connect what I'm trying to learn to what I've written on my pages of notes. I'll be a better student. I'll take better notes because magically my hand writting will improve (not that it's really all that shabby). I'll be more enthusiastic about being there because then I'll get to USE all my new school supplies. Alas, tis not so. Sad. And because I was sooo excited when I got home I opened them all and now can't return any of them like I really should. Sad.

I love this time of year when all the school supplies are out. I guess it gives me the hope that this year I'll do better. This year will be different. This year...

Catching up

Wow, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I think I need to work on that. I realized tonight when I started reading that my last post was 2 months ago! Not a whole lot has happend in those two months though so I don't think you're missing out on anything.

What has changed is:
I'm now in the Relief Society presidency for my YSA ward. I'm a little unsure of my responsabilites, but I'm sure I'll figure it out just in time to be relased.

My dad came to visit me and I had a lot of fun with him. It's not very often that he and I have that much time together, even before I moved here we didn't spend that much time together. It was really nice. I love my dad.

I'm getting a new roommate! My current roommate is getting married in 16 days (not that I'm counting) and one of the girls that I serve with in the presidency is gonna move in with me. I'm really super excited about it. She's sooo much fun and uplifting and I think it will be good for me. I don't know if it will be good for her or not. LOL!

I'm looking for a job. I've had several interviews but no real bites yet. I really need something to come through soon.

I've been more involved in roller derby. I'm part of the ref crew and have a lot of fun with it!

So that's about it. I'm gonna go now and try to think of something whitty and clever to post later!

Codependent

Hello, my name is Miss Kayla and I'm codependent.

What does that mean you may ask. Well, it's fairly difficult to define since the definition is as fluid as the person who is codependent. What it means for me, Miss Kayla, is that pretty much I'm addicted to "helping" people. I'm also invested in having "messed up" people around me so I can "fix" them and then feel better about myself. I focus on everyone else around me so I don't have to fix me. I don't know how to draw a line between being helpful and being a doormat. I thrive on people depending on me. I worry about things that I can't change, that aren't even issues in my life. I worry about my friends and their friends and families and are they OK, are they getting what they need, stuff like that.

My therapist says that most likely this stems from my being "too good" (his words not mine). And I really struggle with this since my lifestyle, my core belief system is focused on helping other people, giving service, being charitable and Christ-like.

I don't know how to just let other people figure things out when they're asking for my help. I don't know how to let things go that I cannot control. I'm an addict!! And I need help.

Day dreamin'

So, I totally stole this idea from Mal (I tried to link to her blog, but I don't know how apparently)

Almost 2 months ago now I was helping a friend find a new place and her soon to be landlord was telling us about some random stuff in his life when it came up that my birthday and his were only 2 days apart. At which point he asked me "How do you control all your other lives? You know, your daydream lives." And I responded, "I don't have 'other lives'" His rebuttle, "Yeah, you do! It's part of being born when we were. I mean in my daydreams I cook better, I look better, I'm a better parent, I'm a better hiker, all sorts of things." I laughed, because he's really good at getting people to laugh and just relax, and then realized that I DO do that!

So in no particual order here are a few of my day dreams/things I look forward to.


Dreaming in Arabic

Stepping off the airplane in a foreign country for the first time

Getting lost in a new place and then finding my way back

The perfect pair of shoes

Taking an AMAZING photo to remember an AMAZING day for a life time

Giggling like there's no tomorrow with someone who has my eyes

Just because flowers

Winning bets with kisses ('casue if you 'lose' you still get a kiss!)

Dancing with the locals



What do you day dream about?

Runnin' from My Memory

I move on like a sinners prayer
I let 'em go like a levee breaks
walk away as if I don't care
learn to shoulder my mistakes
I'm built to fade like your favorite song
gettin' reckless when there's no need
laugh as your stories ramble on
break my heart but it won't bleed
my only friends are pirates, it's just who I am
I'm better as a memory than as your man.

I'm never sure when the truth won't do
I'm pretty good on a lonely night
I move on the way a storm blows through
I never stay, but then again, I might
I struggle sometimes to find the words
always sure until I doubt
walk a line until it blurs
build walls too high to climb out
but I'm honest to a fault, it's just who I am
I'm better as a memory than as your man

I see you lean in, you're bound to fall
I don't want to be that mistake
I'm just a dreamer, nothing more
you should know it before it gets too late

cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
you never know where they're gonna land
first you're spinning, then you're standing still
left holding a losin' hand
but one day you're gonna find someone
right away, you'll know it's true
that all of your seeking's done
it was just a part of the passing through
right there in that moment
you'll finally understand
that I was better as a memory than as your man
better as a memory than as your man

Work Ethic

So right now I'm in the Temp pool for the University of Utah and I'm on assignment through the school of medicine's burn unit for a research study. I like what I'm doing ok, it can be hard though to read about how people got burned and what complications they had, or if they survied or not. My biggest "issue" is the fact that I'm working myself out of a job. I seem to do it at every assignment I'm given, I start with a few tasks and as I prove I can do more my load increases or I get sent home early becuase there's simply nothing for me to do. Sometimes it's just annoying to have such an engrained work ethic! I'm starting to get a little nervous about the assignment I'm on, when I started there were 100 cases to be done, as of today I'm more than half way finished and I'm pretty sure I'll be done by mid-May, my boss said she'd be thrilled if I were done by the end of June. I haven't seen any job listings from UTemps, and I don't know if that's just because I'm on a long term assignment so they don't send them to me or if there just isn't a need for temp work right now. I'm scared.

Miss Kayla

Holding Pattern

Do you ever feel like you're life is like an airplane in a holding pattern? You have your destination, you're ETA (Estimated Time of Arrival), but it just seems like you're flying through mud to get there? I don't know what's going on, I just feel like my 4 year plan is too far away and I want to give up and walk away. :/

Clarification

So you may or may not know this about me I'm currently a Middle Eastern studies major so you may naturally assume a few things about me. Shall I clarify what you may be thinking???

Yes, I think I shall.

While I am thankful for my freedom and all those that have sacrificed SO much for me, the more I know about what my country has done, the more I'm concerned about what we've done.

I'm not a bleeding heart nor am I a right wing nut, I believe in being educated and then acting upon that knowledge to the best of my ability and my conscience.

I'm not joining any radical terrorist groups.

When I tell you that I'm interested in the Middle East, that is NOT an open invitation for you to ask me whatever rude question you feel like. I don't have to answer to you, I'm not asking or seeking your permission to follow something I'm interested in so please don't act like I need it because I know I don't.

When I tell you that I'm learning Arabic, that again doesn't warrant you're stamp of approval or disapproval. Also you asking "Why?" with a snotty look on your face really just shows me how IGNORANT you are.

While I am not a Muslim I respect and honor their right to believe what they want and think that in a country such as this they should be allowed to practice those beliefs without fear of harassment.

I think that people need to respect the fact that we all have the same right to free speech; that DOESN'T mean you have to AGREE with what someone else is saying, but you do need to respect that right.

It really wouldn't kill you to learn about another religion/country/area/point of view.

Shukran!!
Miss Kayla

The Beginning

So, this will probably be a pretty boring blog filled with rambling notes and mish-mashed thoughts and jumbled whatevers.

It's my blog so I can do that, if you don't wanna know how I'm feeling or what I think then DON'T read this!

K, Thanks!